That is until the damn thing got stuck.
Bet you didn’t know that could happen, did you? Neither did I.
But before I go any further, that’s start with some back story.
I’ve known about menstrual cups for a couple years now. I’ve had friends that use them and have raved about them. When I first learned about how they actually work, I was completely repulsed. A cup of blood. Seriously? sloshy, gooey, blood. And I would just be walking around with a full cup between my legs? I imagined it would be like a dam breaking and everything would just go everywhere. So yeah. I was so NOT going to try that. It was for weird, crunchy mamas, and certainly not for me.
After needing to stop my birth control because it was making me exhausted and depressed, my cycles returned. And I have not been blessed in this department, let me tell you. I became desperate. I was tired of feeling like I needed a shower every 3 hours. Of all the laundry. Of the cramps, and the trash. On a whim, I decided to order a Diva Cup and give it a chance. Thank goodness for Amazon Prime – because I had it 2 days later.
I choose “size 1” because my daughter was born via c-section, and I’ve always thought of myself tight (that’s probably TMI, but heck this whole post is).
Here was my big mistake – I didn’t bother to read the instructions.
“How hard could this be?” I thought. Just fold it up, and insert. I know my body, surely I can figure this out right? And this thing is huge! In fact, I was even worried I might not be able to get it in.
It took a few minutes, but then I was successful and the rest was pretty much bliss. I felt clean. I felt more confident! I was more comfortable. IT.WAS.AWESOME. As I was falling asleep that 2nd night, I thought about texting my mom in the morning and telling her about how amazing this thing was and that she should get one for my sister. Everyone needed one. Every woman everywhere needed to try one of these because they were LIFE CHANGING.
The next morning, I woke up and went straight to the bathroom for my morning routine. And of course to remove the cup and rinse.
And this is when disaster struck. I couldn’t reach the tip. I strained and contorted myself, and when I finally did get ahold, to my horror, it would not come out. I think I spent a good 30 minutes trying to remove it, fighting off panic. Eventually I called my husband to the bathroom. My dear sweet husband. Lets just say we’ve bonded over some weird shit in our time together, so he was not phased by my request. Unfortunately, he wasn’t successful either.
It was at this point I finally swallowed my pride and decided to call my doctor. I was hoping against hope they could squeeze me in because sitting in the ER all day because of this was not my idea of a good time. Long story short (too late for that, right? haha), I was able to schedule a same-day appointment with an OBGYN in the same practice.
This kind woman did her best to preserve my dignity. Well, as much humanly possible under the circumstances. The darn thing had suctioned itself to my poor cervix, and every tug felt like she was trying to pull my lungs out my vagina. So my appointment basically consisted of my giving birth to my DivaCup with the assistance of my OBGYN and her skilled use of forceps.
I left my appointment with a hug and a pamphlet on Mirena.
NOTE: On the drive home, I decided to Google “DivaCup gets stuck” to see if this was common…and come to find out, yeah, it kinda is. You see, I kinda missed an important part of the instructions which is what contributed to my ermm…situation. Apparently, you are suppose to give the thing a full 360* twist to create your OWN seal, otherwise it will seal on it’s own much higher up than you would care for. This is what happened to me.
If you’re going to try a menstrual cup, for the love of god, make sure you don’t skip that step. As for me? Let’s just say I’m now researching voluntary hysterectomies.